Soon after making that declaration of love at Allington he had begun to feel that in making it he had cut his throat.

He had endeavoured to persuade himself that he could live comfortably with his throat cut in that way; and as long as Lily was with him he would believe that he could do so; but as soon as he was again alone he would again accuse himself of suicide.

This was his frame of mind even while he was yet at Allington, and his ideas on the subject had become stronger during his sojourn at Courcy.

But the self-immolation had not been completed, and he now began to think that he could save himself.

I need hardly say that this was not all triumph to him.