And when she refused me I was in despair, Mary; and I left Fellside in the full belief that I had done with life and happiness.

And then I came back, only to oblige Maulevrier, and determined to be utterly miserable at Fellside.

I was miserable for the first two hours.

Memories of dead and gone joys and disappointed hopes were very bitter.

And I tried honestly to keep up my feeling of wretchedness for the first few days.