I have failed utterly here: all my grand plans have crumbled to ashes between my fingers.

I find myself a cumberer of the ground, where I fancied that I was going forth like a very Michael--fool that I was!--leader of the armies of heaven.

And now, in the one remaining point on which I thought myself strong, I find myself weakest of all.

Useless and helpless! I have one chance left, one chance to show these poor souls that I really love them, really wish their good--Selfish that I am! What matter whether I do show it or not?
What need to justify myself to them?
Self, self, creeping in everywhere! I shall begin next, I suppose, longing for the cholera to come, that I may show off myself in it, and make spiritual capital out of their dying agonies! Ah me! that it were all over!--That this cholera, if it is to come, would wipe out of this head what I verily believe nothing but death will do!" And therewith Frank laid his head on the table, and cried till he could cry no more.
It was not over manly: but he was weakened with overwork and sorrow: and, on the whole, it was perhaps the best thing he could do; for he fell asleep there, with his head on the table, and did not wake till the dawn blazed through his open window..