Then I threw myself into science, that I might stifle passion; and I stifled it.

I fancied myself cured, and I was cured; and I returned to England again.
I loved your brother for her sake; I loved you at first for her sake, then for your own.

But I presumed upon my cure; I accepted your brother's invitation; I caught at the opportunity of seeing her again-- happy--as I fancied; and of proving to myself my own soundness.

I considered myself a sort of Melchisedek, neither young nor old, without passions, without purpose on earth--a fakeer who had licence to do and to dare what others might not.

But I kept my secret proudly inviolate.