She never allowed them to appear fluctuating; she was, therefore, an aid to me, whose moods varied.
After my illness came a sense of change.

I had lost that careless security in my strength which I had always possessed, and was troubled with vague doubts, that made me feel I needed help from without.
I did not see Charles while I was ill, for he was absent most of the time.

I knew when he was at home by the silence which pervaded the premises.

When he was not there, Alice spread the children in all directions, and the servants gave tongue.
He was not at home the day I went downstairs, and I missed him, continually asking myself, "Why do I ?" As I sat with Alice in the garden-room, I said, "Alice." She looked up from her sewing.

"I am thinking of Charles." "Yes.