I was in a very difficult place, and when they came in I did not know who they were, because only the people in the book were real just then.

And then when I recognized them, and the scene in my mind which I had been waiting for for weeks was shattered like a pane of glass, I became quite giddy and spoke wildly.
And then--I was so ashamed afterwards--I burst into tears of rage and despair." Even the remembrance was too much.

Hester wiped away two large tears onto a dear little handkerchief just large enough to receive them, and went on with a quaver in her voice.
"I was so shocked at myself that I found it quite easy to tell them next day that I was sorry I had lost my temper; but they have not been the same since.

Not that I wanted them to be the same.

I would rather they were different.