I wish I could kiss _you_.

Yes, I have been very unhappy, not giving way on the whole, going about my work as usual, but with a sense of a black veil between me and whatever I did, sometimes feeling incapable of crawling down to sit on the cushion under my own fig-tree for an hour's vision of this beautiful country--sometimes in 'des transes mortelles' of fear.
But we must not be atheists, as a friend said to me the other day.

I hope I do not live quite as if I were.

But it was a great shock from the beginning.

Henrietta always seemed so strong that I never feared that way.
My first impulse was to rush to England, but this has been over-ruled by everybody, and I believe wisely.