Let all, therefore, see that you do care for them, by showing what Sterne so happily calls 'the small sweet, courtesies of life,' in which there is no parade, whose voice is to still, to ease; and which manifest themselves by tender and affectionate looks, and little kind acts of attention, giving others the preference in every little enjoyment at the table, walking, sitting or standing." There is one gross breach of good breeding which can hardly be due to inattention.

There is a homely proverb to the effect that one "should wash her dirty linen at home," and it is to the violation of this advice that I refer.

Discussing home matters, complaining of the actions of members of your family, or confiding their faults or shortcomings to an outsider, even though she be your dearest friend, is as great an act of discourtesy as it is contrary to all the instincts of family love and loyalty.

Your father may be a hypocrite, your mother a fool of the Mrs.Nickleby stamp, your brother a dissipated wretch, and your sister a professional shop-lifter, while your husband combines the worst characteristics of the entire family--but as long as you pretend to be on speaking terms with them, stand up for them against all the rest of the world; and if matters have come to such a pass that you have severed all connection with them, let a proper pride for yourself and consideration for the person to whom you are talking deter you from acknowledging their faults.
These persons are members of your family--that should be enough to keep you forever silent as to their peccadilloes or sins.

But, if you do not feel this, for politeness' sake refrain from making your listener supremely uncomfortable by your complaints.