[Modeste Mignon by Honore de Balzac]@TWC D-Link bookModeste Mignon CHAPTER X 19/21
Therefore, into what sorrows may he not fall when, like Moliere, he wishes to live the life of feeling in its most poignant crises; to me, remembering his personal life, Moliere's comedy is horrible. The generosity of genius seems to me half divine; and I place you in this noble family of alleged egoists.
Ah! if I had found self-interest, ambition, a seared nature where I now can see my best loved flowers of the soul, you know not what long anguish I should have had to bear.
I met with disappointment before I was sixteen.
What would have become of me had I learned at twenty that fame is a lie, that he whose books express the feelings hidden in my heart was incapable of feeling them himself? Oh! my friend, do you know what would have become of me? Shall I take you into the recesses of my soul? I should have gone to my father and said, "Bring me the son-in-law whom you desire; my will abdicates,--marry me to whom you please." And the man might have been a notary, banker, miser, fool, dullard, wearisome as a rainy day, common as the usher of a school, a manufacturer, or some brave soldier without two ideas,--he would have had a resigned and attentive servant in me.
But what an awful suicide! never could my soul have expanded in the life-giving rays of a beloved sun.
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