No! As long as I live I mean to live your wife.
"Does this surprise you?
It surprises _me._ If another woman wrote in this manner to a man who had behaved to her as you have behaved, I should be quite at a loss to account for her conduct.

I am quite at a loss to account for my own conduct.

I ought to hate you, and yet I can't help loving you.

I am ashamed of myself; but so it is.
"You need feel no fear of my attempting to find out where you are, and of my trying to persuade you to return to me.

I am not quite foolish enough to do that.