For one thing, no one was equipped with it.
It is quite true I took all the tragedies to myself; and tallied them off, in turn as they happened, saying to myself in each case, with a sigh, "Another one gone--and on my account; this ought to bring me to repentance; His patience will not always endure." And yet privately I believed it would.

That is, I believed it in the daytime; but not in the night.

With the going down of the sun my faith failed, and the clammy fears gathered about my heart.

It was then that I repented.

Those were awful nights, nights of despair, nights charged with the bitterness of death.